I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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