Im at strip club and am horny
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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