i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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