After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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