The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
