He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
