one two three fourrrrnication!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize