I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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