in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
