Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Randomize
