I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
