Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
