WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
