Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
