it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
