Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
