Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
accomplished twins. life is a go
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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