just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
