Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
