wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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