I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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