How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Randomize
