one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
