hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
