I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
