how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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