Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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