My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
