Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
