matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
