Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
