new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
