dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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