So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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