apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
