hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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