Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
