its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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