His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
