Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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