And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
