Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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