she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
