i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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