worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
