Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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