I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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