Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
