Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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