Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
