I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
