this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
