Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
