She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
