Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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