College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
