i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize