i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
