I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sorry about my life...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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