I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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