I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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