She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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