There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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