then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
