Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
