Life is so much better after having sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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