Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
