yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
