i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
