Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
