Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
