Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
