Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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