She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
