We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize