the condom got lost in my hair
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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