I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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