I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
