I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
