this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize