who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
