Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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