make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
