She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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