i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
