He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
