I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
