piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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