i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
