Your mouth is God's brothel.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
