what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
