I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
